Keeping Your Family When You're Losing Your Marriage


There are few things in life that are more difficult than going through a divorce you know is best for you and your spouse while trying not to sour your children against your soon-to-be former partner. Children benefit from having influences from both parents in their lives, but parents may not always be the best influence on each other, so some balancing and bargaining must be done. The more effectively you can curb your own feelings on the situation, the less likely your children are to resent you both when the dust settles.

During the Divorce

As the divorce process plays out, you're going to be experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions, many of which you'll need to vent in some way. When doing so, make sure it's not to your children, or even within earshot of them. Instead, spend time with sympathetic friends and family whom you can talk to earnestly and without fear of them passing judgment on you for the divorce.

Keep any direct dealings with your spouse as private as possible, but if you must communicate in front of your children, make sure to stay on topic and avoid behaviors that could be mistaken as hostile. Keep in mind that your behavior now will have a major influence on your children's behavior in the future, potentially for years to come. Be honest with your children, but keep in mind their age and capacity for understanding adult problems. Certain motivations and actions will be hard for them to wrap their heads around, so keep any explanations as simplified as possible.

The First Few Months After

Once child custody, visitation and support has been settled, it's going to continue to be challenging as you start settling into your new routine. Whether or not you've been awarded primary custody, avoid expressing any resentment about the arrangement in front of your children. If you're dissatisfied with the court's decision, you should have that conversation with your attorney, behind closed doors rather than around a child who is directly affected by it.

Regardless of which side of the custody agreement you're on, keep direct contact with your ex-spouse as business-like as possible at first. It's also important that you do everything in your power to meet your commitments, including scheduled visitation periods, support obligations, and anything else you've agreed to. If for some reason you're going to be late to pick up or drop off your children, call ahead as far in advance as possible. Unexpected events happen, but so long as it's not a recurring problem, you shouldn't feel any shame over being late for or missing a scheduled exchange.

Your self-control, temper and commitment to the custody agreement will be tested more than once after your divorce. So long as you don't let your kids see you waiver, demean, or show that aggression toward your spouse, things will even out over time. Remember though, if at any time you have doubts about your ex-spouse's commitment or attitude, speak to lawyers, like Robert L. Flanagan, about your options concerning changes to the custody agreement.


14 August 2015

planning for the struggles of kids and divorce

Are you going through a divorce? Do you have kids? If so, do you know how to handle the many struggles you will face when it comes to your kids? Even if you and your spouse can get through the divorce while agreeing on the custody arrangements, there will be struggles that you may not have planned for. For example, who will handle the educational, medical or other decisions about the kids? Is it something that you will decide together, or will one parent make the decision and the other one agree? My site contains several tips that can help you plan for the struggles you will go through in the future and make the situation a little easier for your entire family.